he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
