Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
