I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
