Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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