OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
