I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
