were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
