Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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