need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
