I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
