You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
