It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize