u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
