I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
