Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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