i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
