Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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