i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize