We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
