its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Plan B is the new Plan A
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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