Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
