call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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