Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Pants are for mortals
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
