Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
