If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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