The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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