she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
