i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
