The best revenge is premature balding
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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