i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
