Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she told me i tasted like america
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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