Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
