Whod you bang
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
