I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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