I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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