Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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