I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
