i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
