It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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