did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
