He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
