Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
