i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is her dick bigger than yours?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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