guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
