Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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