so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
