So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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