And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
