i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize