mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
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Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.