bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK