real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator