I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot