I just cut my nipple shaving
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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