Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.