Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
