you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
