I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
