I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
