do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
