I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
