Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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