Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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