he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
