a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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