im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
